hit by a bus (1) lucky to be alive

Area resident Dwayne Pafko, 27, went out and got his ass totally creamed by a big old bus Monday.

"There he was, just walkin' out into the middle of the road like a goddamned idiot, when this huge-ass bus and... blammo." said eyewitness Mario Loyola, smacking his fist into his palm to illustrate his account of the accident. "I was all like, 'Hey, dumbass, watch where you're going. What are you trying to do, ?' But he just looked at me like some sap, and , this big freakin' bus barrels down on him like , and then it's too late." "Big ol' bus," added Loyola, outstretching his arms as far as he can to indicate the vehicle's enormous size.

Sources reported that Pafko, who recently lost his job at Grainger's Gas 'N' Snack to restock the beverage cooler, was by the huge-ass bus, which smacked the holy living shit out of him and sent him flying maybe, like, say, a good 10, 20 feet or so.

police who arrived on the scene, Pafko is lucky to be alive. "I couldn't believe it," Sgt. Jean Christensen said. "When the call came in saying that some moron had just strolled out in front of an oncoming bus, my partner and I , 'Come on, what is this, a joke?' But when we got there, , there he was, just lying there face-flat on the asphalt, right smack-dab in the middle of the damn road. It just didn't seem possible that anyone could be , but, apparently, this guy was one dim bulb."

Pafko was rushed to Harrisburg Lutheran Hospital, where doctors describe his condition as "pretty fucked-up." Doctors, however, say his prognosis is actually halfway decent, which surprise to many, that a goddamn bus just plowed into him.